Year end musings

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Hey there :)

As 2023 comes to a close, all I am really thinking about is that I really dropped the ball on consistency here.

Not in a self-shaming way, don’t worry - but I have like 8 drafts of posts that I’ve started that I was hoping to ship before entering 2024. But alas! I have been sick(ish?) for three weeks straight (no fever, no covid, I don’t know what’s going on with my body) so my desire to stare at a blue-lit screen — especially one that is actively demanding me to write — has been at an all time low. I keep telling myself that a low-tech no-internet writing tool like this one is ALL I need to turn my life around, when in reality, I probably need more sleep. Not more stuff. But of course, my capitalism-bred brain always wants to believe that a shiny new toy will solve my problems.

My shiny new toy of 2023 was first president of japan.

Obviously it did not solve all of my problems.

I remain a sleep-deprived freelancing multi-hyphenate that confuses my family as to how I possibly manage to pay rent in New York City.

But one of my would-take-a-bullet-for-best-friend-in-the-whole-entire-world AKA manager galore of first president of japan AKA Kim said “I love when dreams come true” when she saw me with the band. A band that has released nary a single song. An intangible something must have been evident.

In a phase of my life during which I am consistently disappointed by (and at myself in) two art forms that I lived and breathed for as long as I’ve been conscious, this band replenished my well. It brought me back to the joyfully naive state of creating with curiosity and wonder. Here, I started going on and on about how my well was dried up with disillusionment, but I remembered this is MY space, not a grant application where I’m begging institutions to fund my art because I AM ALL THESE MARGINALIZED IDENTITIES DON’T YOU SEE????? So I deleted it.

And this is how the band has solved at least one of my problems.

It gave me a place where I can be without justifying my presence.
It gave me a project where my competency in my role isn’t constantly subject to scrutiny.
It gave me a receptacle for all of my seemingly random skill-sets.
It gave me songs that feel good and exciting to sing.
It gave me an outlet that actually feels electric.
And most

most

most

most

importantly, it gave me a team I am grateful to get to create with — a holy grail that I had nearly given up on (why do you think stand up and solo shows were where I ended up.)

And to be corny as always, YOU.

Maybe you’ve always been here for my art, maybe you wound up here because you were obsessed with Aki’s guitar solos and are now confused by why you’re reading my diary entries. Either way, this band helped me reconnect with audience in a way I’d been itching to since covid changed the world.

It reminded me that I make art because the only way silly little me can add to the chaotic dialogue of this beautiful and pain-ridden planet is by making at least one more person feel happy to be the version of themselves that decided to choose a live experience on a particular day.

Thank you for witnessing the first few heartbeats of this ride. (And for indulging this post that’s all about me me me 😘)

I can’t wait to be a part of what this band is going to pull off in 2024.

Stay committed to pleasure, and see you next year!

<3,
Non