It's 2024 now
I know it's the end of January but I think I'm still on time for a *~*~new year~*~* post.
Hello and happy new year, friends of first president of japan!
Sometimes I see IG posts that are like “time is just a construct so putting weight on the beginning of the year is silly - it’s just a continuation of your day to day” BLAH BLAH BLAH.
As a woo-woo kind of guy, and as a Japanese person, the new year does mean something to me, so with my whole heart, I want to start things off with a BANG.
I would love to be all “it’s the year of the dragon and first president of Japan is going to boldly fly through the metaphorical sky of making amazing art in all of our dazzling mystical glory.”
In 2019, I created and performed a very angry solo-cabaret show called “N. Butterfly,” which I now consider a sort of exorcism. Back then, I had hoped it would be a show I could keep working on and become my first calling card. But all development opportunities that I had applied to and/or been accepted to got shut down by COVID-19. It seemed like that was actually what I needed - all the events in 2020, turned what I was excited about, into a piece I never want to touch again. I felt that my responsibility as an artist shifted from being someone who made art about my pain to being an artist who makes art that I would make if I didn’t have to make art about my pain. I wanted to stop feeling so cynical so I decided my fight towards hopefulness could solely be fueled by irreverence.
My swan-song for indentity-based-trauma-porn art.
But after 4 years of feeling quite bored of my pain, I still find that I am a sad boy trapped in an empowered femme™ body. I was excited to come back to my favorite city in the world, but reeling in an existential spiral about the inevitability of earthquakes in my home country. Fixating on a sort of preemptive surviors guilt. I lost my phone, and for two weeks, I felt both free and completely unable to function. I had my heart icepicked, and thought “I’d rather have it stomped on.” I went on a (phoneless! In 2024!?) work trip to Las Vegas and got dizzy from the emptiness of slot machine music but learned to feel hopeful about tech I (still) find suspicious. I have a band and a debilitating fear of singing. I spent days bed-locked by migraines yet somehow managed to apply to 10 jobs per-day-I-had-a-migraine. I hate that applying to jobs felt more imperative than to eat. While I was busy crawling on the floor trying to pick up pieces of my brain, the last day of January got close enough to tap me on my shoulder.
And I stare at it. Thinking 2019 Non would be so embarrassed to know I have not figured out how to create from a place of J-O-Y!
I suppose I’d be doing anything else with my life if I weren’t so sad. Most days, I repeat the mantra “I love my life, I love my life, I love my life” in the style of Devil Wears Prada Emily. Her job is her life, my life is my job. I have to convince myself and everyone around me that these are choices I made that I am happy about because I chose them. Or else I might find out that I can’t do the things other people seem to do to find happiness, and that’s just too sad, even for me.
So you say, “NON WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BLABBERING ON ABOUT?”
I think that I’m trying to tell you that I still don’t find my feelings or my past particularly insightful, but I do tear up every time I sing “Grapefruit Juice” our newest song. And even if I don’t love how I sound on it, I know it is real.
At least in Japan, the year of the Dragon is considered auspicious because it’s a powerful mystical creature (the only one of the 12 zodiac signs) that flies up and up - So like the dragon our year may be lucky, magical, and on the up and up.
But today I’m more interested in how it is the only ‘unreal’ (fictional doesn’t seem right to me) being of the signs. Maybe it’s the year we feel more okay with not living up to expectations, our own or of society. Maybe it’s the year incongruities are points of friction that will light a magical spark. Maybe it’s the year we acknowledge that the Dragon has been given the space to hang out with the other animals.
May we all give space to being dragons, the dragon inside us, and our friends who are dragons.
IN FPOJ NEWS:
I know I am behind on “We Did a Show(s)” but they will come when I am inspired to write them. I want to be better about writing more musings and not feeling pressured to prioritize reporting on shows. That being said, we had two back to back EPIC shows at Knitting Factory at Baker Falls that I can’t wait to tell you about.
We are in the process of RECORDING AN EP!!!!! Ahhh!!!! It’s been a dream come true to lay down some of our songs, and there are many thoughts I had throughout the process so stay tuned!
Our next show is at Rubulaud, a secret location playground for artsy adults in a warehouse in Bushwick (wow please tell me a more Brooklyn sentence). The space is so cool, it’s where I first met Yoko san, and they’re a very selective venue so I can’t wait to thrash around in there! It’s also Dave’s Debut! He’s our fill-in guitarist while Aki san is in Japan awaiting his Greencard. He is so talented and an all around sweetboy that I am sure he will bring a new flavor to FPOJ that I am itching to learn about.
Thank you for reading and supporting us as always <3 <3
Much love, big love,
Non
💕❤️💗