I'm not gonna Haunt You
New Single! It's out! I'm thinking a lot about magical thinking!
Our second single Haunt You dropped on May 30th.
The cusp of AAPI Month/Mental Health Awareness Month and Pride Month.
So really, the perfect timing.
The music video aired on Manhattan Neighborhood Network (woo public access channels) and was selected for and screened at Asian American Film Thing.
This single also got us our first ever write up!! And in DELI MAG!
READ IT!!
Having some sort of press on first president of japan was one of my TOP GOALS for 2024, so this has all around been a whirlwind of joy and feeling like maybe we’re a real band.
Reading Jason’s review of the song that integrated so much mysticism, horror, and other heightened reality language had me thinking about the specific level of delusion I need to maintain for this band to keep existing.
I just finished reading Kurt Andersen’s Fantasyland (fantastic book all around tbh) and mil-sims, conspiracy theorists, Disney adults, and all the ways we are refusing to grow up has become my current Roman Empire. The book itself is an epic on the history of magical thinking within the United States and how this country has been specifically primed for this “alternative facts” hellscape that we inhabit.
There is a lot of evidence that points to my residence in a sort of fantasyland. I would say (and I certainly hope) that my mindset and lifestyle don’t stem from as insidious of places as the fantasies unpacked in the book. But the argument that the ways I have continued to pursue art are huge refusals to grow up, kind of stands. Within the rubric of capitalism, I’m quite the failure. But my life is so fun. Sustainability is a huge question, but that’s a question that ails the entire planet anyway. Is it so bad that I believe doing this band and making my plays are my real life, while my jobs that pay my rent are not real life?
Some moments, on stage, it feels like nothing could be more real. That the sweat dripping down my forehead and the suffocating steam building off bodies in the back room of a Bushwick bar MUST be truth. But the next day, I wake up wondering if we’re all just playing make-believe of being in a band. I am of the participation trophy generation, and it sometimes feel as though we live in a post-criticism world. It’s so hard for artists to make a living, that people are willing to give a gold star to anyone who seems to be making art.
I read some Rolling Stone interview of the people who developed a music-making AI saying they’re making music-making ~*~accessible~*~. Something like, ‘there are way more people who listen to music than people who make music - we want to balance that out.’ As if everyone should be making music. This is my problem with all AI-generated art by the way. It’s okay to enjoy artistic things, enjoy consuming art, do a craft project here and there, and I think it’s absolutely wonderful for people to have hobbies. I don’t deny any of that. Call me an asshole but NOT EVERYBODY NEEDS TO MAKE ART. It’s fucking okay.
After our show at Kaleidoscope, Duncan, Dave, Mark, and I sat around getting all #deep. My philosophy has always been that the meaning of life is “Good food. Good art. Good sex.” Mark and Duncan raised “AND SPORTS.” When I told them I considered sports an art-form I was met with exasperated groans, sighs, incredulous eye-rolls and waving of hands.
“They are NOT the same because there are winners and losers in sports.”
There is good art and there is bad art. And there is stuff that postures as art but is definitely not. There are absolutely winners and losers in art.
I don’t believe in the “everybody’s an artist inside” rhetoric. I’m sorry. I feel like the fact that I have to feel apologetic about feeling that way goes to show how much the “everybody is special” ideals that millennials were raised on has seeped into my bones. I do believe everybody probably has something they’re exceptionally good at and would be more fulfilled by searching for what that is rather than going to coding boot camp (unless, of course, that’s your thing). Some people are exceptionally good at doing things they think they’re supposed to do! That’s cool! I wish I could simply do what I’m told to do! So yeah, not everybody’s thing is gonna be making art. Statistically, it’s just not possible.
Yes, I agree it’s more abstract than sports. So if you view them in two separate categories, fine. And who knows, I might wake up one day and realize I am also not an artist in my own sense of the word. Call me a phony, there’s always a chance I am.
I look at the photos from our show and see both somebody who believes they’re in a band and somebody who might be “playing band,” like how we played “house” or “princesses” in elementary school. Being in an adult body doesn’t make make-believe any more real. I don’t spew any of my thoughts about real-art not-real-art etc etc etc because I think I have any answers or have thoughts on what my next creative moves are based on all this philosophizing. I just want to keep posing these questions and theorizing, so I can hopefully keep getting closer to some sort of truth. If the only thing we can be sure of is what we don’t know, than I want to discover more unknowns.
For now I’d rather pretend to be an artist than pretend to be happy.
ANYWAY we released our new single Haunt You, and it’s one of the first songs I wrote when first president of japan got together. I think it’s the most direct narrative kinda song of ours so far. Here’s what I wrote in the liner notes for the single. ENJOY!
CW: Mentions of assault / racism
What images come up when you hear “Japanese Horror”?
I bet there’s a pale, angry woman with creepy black hair somewhere in your thought bubble. In most of these stories, women who are violently assaulted and murdered transform into horrifying monsters of vengeance. I guess there’s nothing scarier than a woman who can’t be killed (again.)
There’s something so twisted about believing that the “monsters” of these stories would want to expend any more energy, nevertheless the energy required to haunt someone. My PTSD renders me quite useless in day to day tasks. Like remembering to eat. My bandwidth is spent on living my own damn life. I have no interest in chasing down my perpetrators.
The first verse of the song wasn’t a one time incident. I grew up witnessing men, interested in my mom, get violent when rejected. I’m sure this is unfortunately, relatable content to a lot of femme presenting people. But that a lot of this violence was preceded with “I’ve always wanted to be with a Japanese woman” or “I think Asian women are the most beautiful” is not lost on me.
Between 2002 and 2005, I played “tag” on playgrounds all around Seattle where I was always “It” and was required to chase everyone around with my black hair draped in front of my face. I don’t like horror movies but “The Ring” somehow became intertwined with my recess politics. I didn’t really question it at the time because I just wanted to be included. But maybe I had inadvertently fed into the othering that’s intertwined with the fetishization of Asian femme bodies.
The last time someone threatened to kill me was two years ago, right around the time first president of japan started jamming together. I actually felt more angry that I thought “Oh, not again” in between the visceral fear. How many times have I had to deal with this entitlement to my life to have the composure to think this? The absurdity that so many men resort to violence when they don;t get what they want. What’s the goal there? I took these questions to practice and vomited out this song.
If someone thinks that killing me is checkmate, that they deserve my attention even if it’s through vengeance, this song is my middle finger.
I’m going to outlive you, and I’m not gonna haunt you.
My great grandmother though - she was once attacked with a knife and fought it off with a pair of scissors. So, you really don’t want to fuck with her.
What’s else is up with first president to Japan?
For July we have some unusual stuff coming up -
7/1 I’m debuting first president of japan unplugged, an acoustic set of songs with Mark on piano at Mark’s musical comedy show Tiny Pianist.
7/5 We’re gonna be back at Bar Freda with a show produced by Deli Mag (it’s gonna be a BANGER)
7/12 Haunt You becomes available on all streaming services!
7/13 We’re playing Gutter, a BOWLING ALLEY. I want to keep finding some non-traditional venues to play. Apparently the manager of this bowling alley plays Mayonnaise pretty regularly? I want to just go bowl sometimes to do recon.
first president of japan unplugged will return as an act on the New York Poetry Festival on Governor’s Island. Yes! We’ve not only been welcomed by the bowling community, but also are gaining some poetry street cred.
And for now, that’s all till August.
Hope to see y’all at some of the above <3
Thank you always for reading and for supporting fpoj.
BIG LOVE,
Non
